having it all
by Marla Vacek

scientists juggle the demands of family and work

here was a time when she almost quit. "I was very stressed," says Regina Carelli, associate professor of psychology. "I went to my husband and said, 'I don't know if I can do this. It's just too hard.'" Carelli was overwhelmed by being a scientist and a mother and trying to do both well. And she was not alone in that struggle. Of the many successful women scientists interviewed for this article, some had such difficult experiences that they did not want to go on the record. One scientist was so driven to have it all that she was actually in the laboratory when she went into labor. Another was asked if she was going to break the record and return to work after less than two weeks of maternity leave.

The idea that women have to make a choice between a career and children — an idea seemingly outdated — is still present in many academic institutions. The successful women scientists are those who disregard the notion that they have to make a choice, and instead set out to prove that they can have it all. Carelli has two delightful boys, is an accomplished scientist, and just last year received the Presidential Early Career Award for Scientists and Engineers, the highest honor bestowed by the U.S. government on outstanding young scientists.

.: Regina Carelli,at home with her work. Photo by Steve Exum; click to enlarge. :.

"Having it all — meaning kids, a husband, a family — does not necessarily mean doing it all," Carelli says. "It is a full-time job to be a mother and a wife, and then you have a full-time job on top of it. You can't do everything. That means being willing to ask for help. I am very fortunate because I am married to someone who is very supportive. The traditional roles of a marriage don't really apply in my household." She and her husband share the family duties, 50-50, to make it work. The first one home makes dinner; afterwards, she washes the dishes while he gives the boys a bath. "If you both give, then it's easier," Carelli says. "It's never easy, but it's easier."

enny Ting, professor of microbiology and immunology and a member of the Lineberger Comprehensive Cancer Center, agrees that her husband played a big part in her success. "Find the right person. If you're married to the wrong person, then get a good housekeeper," Ting says.

Just as important as finding the right partner is finding the right work environment. Ting chose Carolina over equally prestigious, less women-friendly institutions for that very reason. But support does not necessarily have to come from women. Male faculty can be just as helpful. When Linda Dykstra, professor of psychology and dean of the graduate school, was pregnant with her first child, the chair of the psychology department at the time told her he hoped she would take sufficient time off, as he had done with his first child. That kind of support may be most prevalent in departments such as psychology, where women make up a higher percentage of the faculty. Without that support, pressures of taking care of a family while running a lab can cause women to drop out of science.

But the scientific environment may not be solely to blame for the dwindling numbers of women in science. "Part of the blame lies with us," Ting says. Women tend to doubt their abilities, she adds, and they often don't even apply for high-profile positions. "We are more cautious, and that sometimes holds us back," Ting says. "We never think about how good we are." Even Ting, who has over a hundred publications to her credit, admits she still prepares herself for failure, writing tons of grants in case they all fall through. "We need to have a more positive attitude," Ting says.

uccessful women scientists also possess time-management skills and extreme focus. "You have to be able to multitask — one moment remembering to leave diapers for the baby-sitter, and the next analyzing a DNA fingerprint," Ting says. Both she and Carelli say that the first thing they learned was to let the small things go. "Something has got to give," Carelli says. "I was getting my papers out and my grants out, but my house was always a mess." To have it all, they've had to give some things up — such as that second cup of coffee and the paper in the morning, or a chance to speak at some important conferences. They've also found some creative ways to get everything done. Ting once brought her five-month-old daughter to a poster session at a scientific meeting.

"This is a great job to be a mom. Sure, I work nine- to ten-hour days and bring stuff home to read," Ting says. "But I haven't missed too many of my kids' events." She also feels that being a mother has greatly added to her professional life. "As a parent I become a better manager," she says. "As a manager I become a better parent." Being a parent has given her a new attitude — wanting to leave this place better than she found it. The desire to contribute to the world is one of the reasons that women go into science, and it is often the same reason that leads them to motherhood.

"For me, it wasn't a choice — it was never a choice," Carelli says. "I was going to do both, end of story. I had no idea how I was going to do both, but I was going to, without a doubt."

Marla Vacek is a fifth-year Ph.D. candidate in genetics and molecular biology whose work was recently published in Blood, the journal of the American Society of Hematology. Although she has accepted a Clinical Molecular Genetics postdoctoral fellowship at the National Human Genome Research Institute of the National Institutes of Health, she also wants a family someday.

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